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THE GESTALT

by The Doyénne

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1.
I’m fine. I’m happy now. I’m better now. I’m alright. Please believe me. I’m all I got. I get low, sometimes, but I’m alright. I'm doing well. I'm growing up. I'm changing. I'm alright. Pain is art. I'm alright. BREAK! I'm beautiful. Inside and out. The words out my mouth? I'm alright. I'm smiling. I ain't faking. Take my word for it, I'm alright. I've got a broken heart. I patched it up. No love in life, but I'm alright. I'm insincere. I'm black and queer. Y'all treat me weird but I'm alright! I’m FINE!
2.
(Verse I) My little doll, ma petite pêche I love you more than all the rest I thought you cared. I thought you understood. Or did I love you… too soon? We can do whatever you like, I’m ashamed. Turn down the lights. I need you now. I need to know. Will you love me back? Should I just let you go? (Chorus) Did you see all the chaos without you? Did you feel all the things I’m willing to do? Did you taste that? A tiny little scratch? What would it take to bring you back? Did you see all the chaos when I was with you? Did you notice the scars? Do you know what I did? Is that why you left? That’s what you needed to do? Please, pick up the phone... (Verse II) I cry and cry and cry but you still won’t come back I hide in our sheets, poised for another scratch I make it hurt, just to feel something Dull pain? Oh, this is nothing (B-Section) I am damaged, breaking shit, Chaos, Chaos I am hurting, melting down, Chaos, Chaos Honey sweet then bitter words, Chaos, Chaos Rip up the sheets that we shared, Chaos, Chaos Self-destruct, I can’t live through this, Chaos, Chaos (Refrain) My mind, End Chaos / My Soul, End Chaos / My Heart, End Chaos / Myself, End Chaos / Absence, End Chaos / I drink, End Chaos / Not Again, End Chaos / I’m Fine! End Chaos I’m Fine! (I’M FINE) I’m gonna be alright! I’m fine! (I’M FINE) For real, this time!
3.
(Bridge) Ideations are at play Because of my actions and the words that I say I broke down the walls, only to build again I hurt me, It thrills me, I'm going insane (Verse I) I am searching for someone who cares to touch up my make up and fix my hair You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to I’ll manage to eat and find something to do My smile is fake, I’m hurting, I’m hurting I still want you, I’m burning, I’m burning Please don’t break my heart, just stay in my room Close the blinds, kill our phones, I’ll come around real soon (Chorus) ¡Bailar! (¡Bailamos!) ¡Bailar! (¡Oh, oh, oh, oh!) ¡Bailar! (¡Bailamos!) ¡Bailar! ¡Bailar! ¡Es tiempo de morir! (¡Bailar! ¡Bailar! Matame por favor!) (Verse II) I know I’m a buzzkill for everyone I talk about my feelings now everyone's gone You so well adjusted, I wish I were too ¿Le agradó? I still doubt that it’s true (Bridge, Chorus, Break to Close)
4.
JUNCTION 03:27
(Verse I) My story, my fantasy, My poetry, my enemy Life is brief and so is strife Will I reach Junction in time? All this love, centrifugal Comes back around, and here I go Three men named James broke my heart Tell me when the Junction starts And if I return to life I promise to do it right Coronate me at birth Junction me with the Earth Cast a spell, the time is now Open wide y’all’s pretty mouths Incarnation, manifestation I’m growing and I have my reasons (Refrain) Why, oh why, would I do what I did Yesterday! Hey! Hey! yesterday! Hey! Hey! (Verse II) Fallacy, false history The things we want, we do not need Love is free, hate costs your soul Junction away that trifling mode Do better, unique but wise Ignore the fiction of a prize Nothing’s real, but maybe so Junctioned once, away I go “Learn your dance and write your words” Raise some hell through vicious verbs Kill, Slay, Devastate! The Junction comes, but I’m too late Cast a prayer, please do it now Open wide y’alls cursed mouths Emancipation, Emulation Evacuation to better locations
5.
EIDOLON 02:54
(Verse I) Snow crushes, e’ry step, beneath this shell As I look for an excuse to keep me out of hell Ice wraps around my lips and fingers As I search for a phantom, they say, that lingers Each step, a burden, my body’s weary What have I learned through your theology? (Chorus I) Give me freedom, Liberate my Systems Come and get me if you can Oh, oh, oh! ~ EIDOLON! Give me a voice, move a soul I can't carry on Oh, oh, oh! ~ EIDOLON! (Verse II) Purgatory wasn't what I expected Icy winds cut my face, Am I descended from a line of liars, murderers, and thieves What was left to the Memory of Me? (Chorus II) Grant me power, free me from shame Love me anyway Oh, oh, oh! ~ EIDOLON! Give me agency, remove this mentality I can do anything, Oh, oh, oh! ~ EIDOLON! (B-Section) O God O Lord BLESS ME Holy Ghost BLESS ME!
6.
DRIVE 03:25
The truth is stranger than fiction Did you stop here to listen? There’s still something missing Don’t mind the reluctant wishing I can see it too You knew what to do Accelerate, and push through Sound is not a barrier of rules (Drive!) to go / (Drive!) to stay / (Drive!) to live / (Drive!) Die anyway… (Drive!) to grow / (Drive!) to change / (Drive!) to cry / (Drive!) your life away… (Drive!) to me / (Drive!) to be completed / (Drive!) to you / (Drive!) what you gonna do… (Drive!) to evolve / (Drive!) to survive / (Drive!) our whole lives / (Drive!) our whole lives The toughest critic is self And it's hard to ask for help Transform into something else Make what you’re worth and nothing less I realized a DIY thing or two In this life, girl, it’s true Sunset to sunrise, I compromise If only to polish this lil’ white lie I can finally see it too You already knew what to do Slam the pedal down and push through Sound is not subject to pedantic rules I learned a thing, hell, a few In this neon life, it’s true Sunset to sunrise, we compromise If only to maintain our silly little lives
7.
UNITY 02:36
Unity. You and me. Bound. We ain’t free. Forever. Damned. I drain you. My bad. You tired, I see ya’ eyes Put down the bottle, I realize That you learned how to cope from me, me, me That was the price of the vodka and weed Tell me that you like this transition Tell me again, first time I couldn’t listen I was in my feelings so party and bullshit Equipped with quips, they say our kind don’t tip? Our kind don’t what? Yeah, Bust ‘em in the lip Oh, naw, no cops, pull around with the whip We some cannibals, eat the body for the soul Suck out the marrow so we never get old Yeah, we some beasts and yeah, you Lestat I’m Akasha, and yeah, these streets hot Yeah on the freeway, a hundred in the left And nah, they try to catch us but no, they need help Call up the backup, call up the FBI They watching anyway, the webcam is an eye My mic is a sword and I’m slicing hoes Right at the neck and straight down to the holes You with me? Tell me where we are Is there enough gas in this car? Is this motel nice and far? From the world that knows we stars. Immortal, but only on the weekend You fucked up, but still my best friend I really do believe even if I lack hope in You. Illusion. Gone. Figment. You’re all mine. FOREVER. And ever…
8.
AS I AM 02:28
Oh no, oh no, here we go again Unapologetic, black as I am Skin like the dark, white gaze I reject I don't recognize your authority, I demand your respect! Oh no, oh no, here goes a black man Unrepentant, still as black as I am Skin color of night, makes my threats legit This is the dark side, and you can't handle it! BITCH!
9.
I don't covet what he got I  don't want it if it's not Something built unique for me Or someone who feels right for me I'd rather be alone then let just anyone come on home See, I'm private, cautious with my heart And you might as well be too Be a good man Do what I  can Let's Talk About This Strange Kind of love See, I've been hurt too many times And I won't set it up for failure Trying to do like everybody else Trying to make those mates my savior I'd rather be alone, alone, alone Then get set up to fall My heart can't take it See, next time, I  wanna give it all...
10.
CREEP 04:04

credits

released December 7, 2019

Produced, composed, arranged, performed, and engineered by The Doyénne and MCMT.

Photography by Ris Marek of Peach Girl Photography. Album art direction by The Doyénne.

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The Doyénne Phoenix

The Doyénne (born Syeed DiJon Poole) is a prolific openly gay Black American music producer, songwriter, singer, lyricist, performance and recording artist whose work spans from alternative hip hop, R&B and Electronic Dance Music. Based in Phoenix, AZ, the artist is looking to develop his brand as well as his talent for future recordings, performances, appearances and collaborations. ... more

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